Hello! I'm not really sure how to feel, these days. I love this world but it can be so empty, a lot of the time. I feel no desire to 'win' against others, in the form of an 'impressive' career or checklist of 'hey I did all this cool stuff, now you should like me.' I simply enjoy being alive, most of the time. Love is the only thing that is real, I feel. Everything else is an illusion that love created, to find out what other experiences feel like. Love is our infinite soul.

It feels very alienating to not believe the many empty promises of human society. "Just buy this and you'll be happy!" or "Just do this and you'll finally deserve to be loved!"

I do have a few friends and family who believe similar things to what I believe, and have formed many of my beliefs based on things they have told me, throughout my entire life. Yet I still feel very much alone in this world. Deeply grateful to have them, but a romantic relationship is completely different, and without one, feels like half your soul is missing (which I believe to be literal).

I am just here to find my other half, where-ever she may be. Have spent hundreds of hours over the last 12-ish years trying to find her online. I was engaged, briefly, but that did not work out, of course.

I feel that the love between two halves of the same soul is the deepest kind of love that exists, in any and all dimensions. And we choose to separate from one soul to two half-souls, to find out what it feels like to be separate. Once we learn how horrendously painful it is, we reunite. Whether that takes a few lifetimes or a thousand lifetimes, is up to us. We enjoy the longing and pain of loneliness, as it is vastly different from being whole. Variety seems to be extremely valuable to our soul and its wealth of wisdom. Trying to force yourself to love the other half of someone else's soul, simply cannot work. So out of billions of people, we can only be truly happy with one. No matter how similar someone is to your other half, there will always feel like something is missing.

I also believe that all living beings are connected like a kind of super-soul. That we are ALL fragments of that one soul. So, really, every experience we share with others is an experience shared with ourself, experiencing the deliberately created 'illusion' of individuality and separation. It feels both deeply beautiful and kind of sad, to think about this. People can be incredibly cruel to each other (to ourself), but can also be so very kind. It is beautiful to think that when it is all said and done, and we move on to the next dimension, between lives, we all love each other (we love ourself). I feel like being aware of this is part of the deliberate experience list, as well. Of course we'd want to know what it feels like to be entirely unaware of our truth, in billions of bodies, while also having some bodies that are partially aware. Quite the variety of wisdom to gain, from so many different perspectives.

I would love for me and my other half to finally reunite, soon. I know that any chain of events will be exactly what our soul wanted, though. Finding out what it feels like to hope and yearn. Thank you for reading and no matter who you are, I feel love for you.